Catching the feels (3 years and counting)

Why is that every time I look at Mr.X, I practically melt. I know that he’s not good for me, but I can’t help myself. He’s like ecstasy, I know it would probably kill me at large doses, but I want more!!!! There is another part of him that I’m still in oogly, googly eyes with. the gentleman in him still causes my heart to skip a beat. His look of intent while painting paradise and his God sexy British accent get me every time. And he genuinely cares about people at times. But his desire for sex is something I can never give him. Heck, I’m a virgin, and I plan on staying that way until after I’m married. Until then, I’m content with masturbating in the comfort of my bed. I get it, I don’t have an ass, and I must admit I’m not Miss Universe quality, but I like the way I am, and there is no way in hell I’m gonna start wearing makeup and a super padded push-up bra to impress a guy who objectifies girls as sex toys. It’s not like he’s Prince Charming, ready to sweep me off my feet. I mean he has a lot of acne, and he can do something about straightening out his teeth. Mr.X could also work on his upper body…and shit he should stop dressing like my dad. When I told him that I liked him, all I thought was, please God don’t have him say that he likes me too.

I know, I know I like him, yet I don’t want him to like me back. It’s just I know that he wouldn’t like me for me…or that’s what I think. I just feel so torn, he thinks that I’m still obsessed with him, but I think I’m okay, then why do I still get nervous when he shows up on the bridge. I mean I don’t get jelly when he talks to another girl, but I always yearn for his attention all the same. You know what, I should make a dialectic theater, portraying all my opposing ideas. He’s bad for me, yet I want him, and at the same time, I want to distant myself from him. Fuck my hormones. I know deep down, I could do better and find a guy that falls in love with my personality, but no Scarlet’s hormones, you just have to fall head over heels for a tall British guy who’s a math whiz, know cars like they’re his best friends, and can paint virtually anything, but has an ugly side being a perverted douchebag. I mean I can tolerate some dirty comments and a couple of dick jokes, but I draw the line when you take everything I say and turn it into a porn fanfic. Above all, one thing keeps tripping up in the back of my brain. He once said that if he were ever in a serious relationship with a girl, he would be a helpless romantic. Then is this sex thing a way for him to get girls (P.S. this is a crappy way of getting any girl). I mean if what he said was true, then the girl who ends up being his girlfriend would be a very lucky girl.

I’m not sad that it would never be me, fuck the friend zone; but I am happy to know a guy like Mr.X during high school. But I mean if I ever do get past University, and happen to see him coincidently, I will definitely seduce him and get into his pants for a one night stand. Let’s be honest, if his dick is really 7”, then I would hit the jackpot before I settle into a mediocre dick for the rest of my life. Keep on drinking them pineapple juice 😉

 

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