“Shut the fuck up and pull your shit together.” wise words said in the girl’s bathroom, after being rejected for the second time by a guy in the tenth grade by Ironfuckmewoman. Some of her famous catchphrases include:
- You dumb piece of shit
- Shut the fuck up
- Stupid bitch
- Imma beat your ass
The devil’s spawn, Satan’s right-hand man, and the closest thing I have to a best friend in high school (although; we don’t talk anymore, we don’t talk anymore, we don’t talk anymore, like we used to dooooo). The nicest thing she has ever told me was that when I go to University, I have the potential of becoming super hot (thanks for that). You see, Ironfuckmewoman and I are like yin and yang; I think that school is the only time you should stay awake, and she thinks that school is the only time to fall asleep (or be on her phone). However, over the years, our love for porn, iron man, movies, iron man, books, iron man, shitty back stories, iron man, sex (we virgins, but we still talk about it) and did I mention iron man, made us so compatible. She always kept me in touch with my dirty mind, by walking around lunches during ninth and tenth grade, reading dirty fanfics on Harry Potter (spoiler alert; it’s all gay fanfics, and that’s the way we like it). On top of all that, she was always the first person that I would go to about guys. And there were a lot of situations like that. Even though a lot of my experiences with Mr.X, I know she’s reading it through my blog, but believe or not, she had something to do with affirming my crush for Mr.X.
Let’s backtrack to the second semester of grade nine. Ironfuckmewoman, and I along with a couple of my friends were walking around the second floor. We were rounding the corner of the language department when we saw Mr.Cauliflower and bunch of his friends. I don’t remember how this really happened, but before I knew it, Ironfuckmewoman was walking up to Mr.Cauliflower as she asked: “Hey, what do you think of Scarlet’s boobs?!” I thought that since we were in ninth grade, Mr.Cauliflower would just turn and walk away like an embarrassed 14-year-old who was just asked to explain to his class how babies are made with the teacher still present. Instead, he said, “Her boobs are cute.” Uh, hello? Puppies are cute. Cupcakes are cute. Little teacup pigs are cute, but MY BOOBS ARE NOT CUTE!!!!! How would you like it if I said your dick was cute. It’s like saying your dick is a cocktail weenie. My boobs my good sir are full, round, perky; you take your pick. As my cheeks grew tomatoes I walked away silently and once we were on the other side of the wall, I smacked Ironfuckmewoman over the head pissed. I asked her “why can’t I ever be good enough to date any guy?” Then Ironfuckmewoman began, “For you, all the guys can be pieces of shit in high school except for…” The bell rang for class and the conversation was put on hold until the tenth grade.
Now let’s return to the girl’s bathroom. As I left the bathroom feeling embarrassed to be rejected for the second time Ironfuckmewoman started saying, “He was not right for you, you had nothing in common, look, all the guys here are shit (no offense, it was before we started hanging out with them).” I replied, “I know (again didn’t know you well back then), but it’s just that I always thought I could get a guy in high school, but seriously just because I don’t wear makeup, and contacts doesn’t mean I’m not a good person to get to know.” She repeated, “All guys are shit!!!!!!” That was when Mr.X was walking into the art room when Ironfuckmewoman pointed him out to me and said, “Why don’t you try Mr.X, he’s smart, meh on the looks (I think I said that part), and he doesn’t seem like a complete jerk, oh I wanted to tell you about this fanfic…” and the conversation about my pathetic love life was over. I shrugged off her observation but on the inside, I was all like, “YOU SEE IT TOO RIGHT!!!!” Well anyway, Ironfuckmewoman, we had our times, and if you are reading it, you will always be my first bitch, and I will be the “Scarlet to your Mr.Boobs” (it’s apparently a thing now).
***Most likely, part three and four of my four-part blog is coming out on Sunday so watch out for that. If you have anything to say to me about the blogs (positive criticism only) slide into my DMs (you fuck around with me, I will just block you) on Instagram at santhiya_ram or add me up on Snapchat, santhiya_23, or leave a comment on my blog. BIIIII