Wants, Needs, and Taking Things Slow

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Okay people, I know, I know a lot has not been going on in the last week or so. Well, that’s because I’m getting it to it now, fuck off. Okay so first off, might I say, I fuckin love this blog. I’m not just saying that because I write it (well that could be a reason) but because if not for this blog, I would not have met a sweet, sensitive, and caring guy who I have reconnected with after some time through the power of social media. Long story short, I knew him, we lost connection for some time and now we’ve been talking for some time. He is someone I can talk to, rant, and overall be my bitchy, stupid self with and he doesn’t judge but helps me through it. He makes me feel special, wanted, and in the stress of academics, happy. Literally, my face lights up like a lightbulb whenever I see his text come up on my phone. I go through the motions, the heart pounding, and the fuckin smile that wouldn’t go away. However, no matter how many pictures we sent to each other, it was not the same as if we were talking in real life. So we decided to meet up (see how I didn’t use date because literally, anything can happen….and well that’s what happened). FYI: this guy will not be getting a name just yet because he is what I would like to call “special” and “important.”

At Library: Day of meet-up

You know that feeling when you built up a lot of hope over many days and it all gets crushed in a second, well that’s how I feel right now as I sit in the library typing this. When I woke up this morning, I was full of energy, I was excited, ecstatic, you name it; I was just happy. I smiled for no reason. No lie, I was sitting at breakfast and I started smiling at my eggs like a fool. My mom thought I was two nuts away from going into crazy town. At 11:20 I left the house to come to our local library. He was supposed to come at 11:30. It is now 1:26 and he is still not here, and my last shred of hope has blown away. I knew that his answer the night before was a maybe but I hoped, yearned, prayed that this morning the answer would have been a yes, but alas, I never got any answer. This was the only time we could have met before exams. I don’t know if something came up, or if he forgot…I’m really not mad just really disappointed. After many years, and many wants and needs I was going to meet him in real life. No more texting, no more sending pictures back and forth but to final meet in person. Hah, I knew that it was all too good to be true. Me, Scarlet Ramerez actually getting into a relationship after 3 years, hell no. I did mock math exams, so I wasn’t totally pathetic waiting for him, but I would constantly glance at the window in front of me hoping that he would show up for at least 5 minutes. I  don’t know,  maybe I just expect more than what I should actually get. I’m not desperate, I  just have too much hope that gets crushed too soon.

That Night:

Don’t fuckin jump into conclusions you idiot when two people feel the same fucking way. There was one thing that I failed to tell everyone, I was nervous. As my dad pulled up to the library, my heart was beating fast, my palms were clammy and I didn’t think I could do this. I mean meeting someone for the first time (well not really) can be nerve wracking. Sure we talked for a couple of weeks, and yes sweet things were said [my favourite convo was “You’re all I think about…besides math” (I died…this is how you know you value academics)], it is still a big jump from texting to meeting in real life. Things raced through my head. What if he doesn’t like me?What if I’m not what he thought I would be? You see, I overcomplicate too many things. 

Okay so you may be thinking, that jerk, he just left you waiting or is he your new ting Scarlet? Well let me tell you, first off, it was a mutual understanding that maybe this was all too soon. It is better to ease into things rather than accelerate and crash. He is a very special person to me but let’s wait on the whole seal the deal thing. It is best we take things slow and go from there.

So in the end, was there really a first date. Yes there was, it consisted of us being in bed prior to our first meetup and on our phones. And no, you perverted minded bimbos, we did not film a sex tape. What I meant to say was we were in our own separate beds , in our houses, texting each other (our generation of communication)….so in the end, we never met up but when there is a will, there is a way, and I know that we will one day meet, I can’t wait!!!

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