Wingless Pads & Straight Lines

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To the person who invented wingless pads, fuck you. I know there are about 20 girls reading this who are probably going, “yep, it would be the stupidest thing in the world if a girl got a wingless pad.” Ding ding ding, I’m your stupid ass girl. The person who created this wanted to make a girl’s life a living hell and fed off the pleasure of seeing World War 3 break out in her underwear. Okay look, the purpose of a pad is to prevent you from creating the flag of Japan in your pants. A wing on a pad, for the simple minded boys out there is a flap of tape that helps secure a pad on your granny panties (I ain’t about to ruin my silk panties from Victoria Secret). Okay so it was my fault for buying it, but in all fairness, I was kind of in a hurry and my priorities laid in getting something on my underwear before the Red Sea broke free from its barriers. So this is what I checked:

  • Super long
  • Overnight thickness
  • Leakage protection

Well, I forgot to check if it was winged or not. Now I spent 10 mins yesterday in the washroom trying to adjust my pad from creating a slope (ha now I can find the slope of a tangent…okay the math exams are in 9 days, that’s all I can think about). You know how something has one purpose in life like an eraser erases your fucked up errors, and a pen is to help you write; well what if the eraser no longer could erase or if your pen runs out of ink? The object becomes useless, it has no purpose, you must let it die in its own uselessness; that is how a wingless pad is like. It’s frustrating to align it with your underwear. Come on, I can’t draw a straight line if you give me a fuckin ruler, how do you expect me to align my shit together. It’s funny how the extent of my thinking has to lead me to rant about my choice in pads. This when you know IB broke you. Let me tell you something girls, learn from me, I am stupid, I do not think before I do, so the moral here is….wait do I have a moral? Oh right, don’t buy wingless pads. For the girls who use tampons and menstruation cups, how’s that life like???? Anywho, the extent to my rant has ended and so has my period (thank the Lord it only lasts a few days).


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