The Revived DMs: Land of the Creeps


Ha, ha, ha… I laugh because my life is never okay is it? I get out of one thing and I get caught into another thing. Yesterday, I get away from a fuckboy who let’s just say wanted pussy, and get caught in a guy who claims that we were dating until I cut him off in the middle. I have had instagram since I was in the eighth grade, and since DMs became a thing on it, my DMs were dry as fuck. Nothing, nada, I appealed to no one. My DMs were so dry it made the Sahara desert look refreshing. But ever  since this blog became something of interest to some, my DMs have become filled with creeps who claimed to have been ex-lovers. My favourite was the guy who DMed me at school.

I have no fucking clue who this guy was. I followed him only because we had mutual friends (bad idea). He likes one pic and before I know it, he slides into my DMs like some slick guy. It’s funny because the first thing he asks me is “do you know me?” Now naturally, like the good girl that I am, I should have just blocked him and gone on with my life, but I already blocked another guy earlier that day, and frankly I was curious to see where this would go. So I reply “no I don’t” Then the real fun starts.

He starts pulling all this crap out from his ass and says that we used to talk a lot on instagram, and that we were really close to dating before I cut him dry a few months ago. I will admit, I do forget a lot of things often; my keys, my books, maybe my lunch, but forgetting months worth of a relationship is a bit excessive. If I can leave room in my brain to memorize the hundred digits of pi, I can fuckin remember a relationship I had with a potential boyfriend. First off, this guy doesn’t even go to my school, and second, with the help of some, majority if not everyone I was sitting with at the time I got these texts claimed to not know that guy nor the school that he supposedly comes from. From my extensive research, he goes to an all boys catholic school so I see where his desperation is coming from. But seriously, he made a pretty convincing argument (I say ever so sarcastically) by telling me to “please remember.” Boi, that doesn’t fuckin help me remember. So I asked him to send screenshots of the “convos” that we had together through instagram. Oh then he pulls the ultimate fuckboy move by asking me for my number AGAIN. Bitch, I’m not about to send you my number, when I know I never fuckin gave you my number to start with. What makes you think I’m gonna give to you now. I wanted to get him stumped, catch him somewhere in his web of lies. So I asked him if he knew anything about me personally. I have to give him some credit for his bullshit by saying that he doesn’t know me personally but that my heart is pure as gold. Ha, I can tell you, if you know me well enough, even for two weeks, you would know that I am anything but a heart made of pure gold.

Now he was desperate, he knows that I’m gonna find out eventually, so he promised me that if I gave him my number, he would send screenshots of all our convos after school that day. I, still refusing to give him my number sought the help of Mr.Vite who graciously gave me his number to give to this creep. By now, this guy was playing on the last string of my nerve by being persistent on the idea that we were sooooo close to fuckin dating, and wanted to “start over.” Pissed, I just left him on seen and left it that. However, according to Mr. Popcorn, it is apparently morally unethical to leave someone hanging like that so he took it up on to himself to message him. Now I text nothing like Mr.Popcorn when I’m talking to a stranger, so the profanity was at its peak, with; stfu, omfg, and the slightest hint of “I am literally another text away from blocking you.” The creep didn’t take the linguistic register of Mr.Popcorn too fondly as he cussed me out for it. How the fuck am I changing him by swearing. Bitch, that means you’re weak as fuck, that’s all I’m saying. Tired of playing this game, I did end up blocking the creep 5 minutes before the end of the period. Next period, he left a voicemail, 2 missed calls, and a text asking why I blocked him on insta to Mr.Vite’s phone. After showing me this, Mr.Vite claimed to permanently block him. I don’t know what he did, but the problem is gone and once again I am single, creep less, perhaps problem free, and depressed as fuck. I mean, I think I haven’t highlighted what I want in a relationship. Let me tell you something perhaps a list:

  • Someone who is honest; if you have side chicks, tell me cause chances are I might have a side dick (jokes…but you never know)
  • A guy who at least texts me once a week, in which I don’t have to start the convo to talk about our week, and shit, and then finally, “horny” texting if you’re down
  • Meet up once a month, a time for just us where we can be together and not have people questioning us… I can even pay for lunch if you’re a broke ass boy
  • Take it fuckin slow… I am a different person from my blog, I’m a bit more reserved and not as revealing, so don’t expect blog Scarlet in real life

I guess these are some of the things that I look for in a relationship. Nothing much, I’m a pretty reasonable person, then why the fuck are guys so unreasonable with me, cause I am not your 2:00 booty call boi.  In the famous words of Sweetie, “All boys are fucked up.”


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