Do Re Mi fucking sick of OTP

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Do re mi fa so fucking done with you boys.

So fucking done with all your games

I ain’t your hoe boy don’t you know…

Thank you to Blackbear for saying this so clearly. Now there is this idiot out there and he/she thinks that they are cupid or the love doctor, but they seem to be pairing up us grade 12s all willy-nilly on Instagram like they know us better than ourselves. Like bitch, you can’t tell us who we look cute with. If I find out who you are, you better pray I don’t smash your skull in two. My guess is that you’re also in grade 12 so watch out, I’m hunting you down, and if I find you out, I am soooo exposing you with my own ship for you 🙂 Okay now with all the talk about relationships, I want to talk about the different types of relationships that I am currently disgusted in looking at. No offense to you guys out there in relationships, I love you, I just hate the mere fact that I’m not in one of those right now.

  1. Selfie OTP: This is the couple we see on Snapchat, Instagram or facebook sharing a milkshake, kissing, taking mirror selfies, and basically accumulating the envy in me as I scroll through my feed. Like come on, why do you people look soooo fucking cute?!!!? However, is the relationship that they display on social media do justice to who they really are in real life, or is it a mere facade to make people like me jealous? My thoughts are you guys are trapped in your phones, and you need to start smelling the roses.
  2. PDA Disease: Now we have all been in that awkward situation where you’re trying to eat this chicken leg on your plate and there is a couple at the table next to you, literally eating each other’s face off (oh so that just happened to me). No waiter, they don’t need appetizers because their tongues are so far deep into their throats that they are going to need about an hour to get themselves out of it. Excuse me, if I want to see dinner porn, I have the internet, I don’t want to see you making a baby while I’m trying to eat this chicken on my plate. Get a room you pervs.
  3. Siamese Twins: Attached to the hip, wear matching outfits, go everywhere together, constantly talk about their significant other when apart from them. Do you go to the washroom together too? Need I say less…
  4. Are they even a Thing?: This is the couple that doesn’t even hang out together. You might see them together every once blue moon, and even then it’s discrete and many people are left to wonder if they broke up. Like bruh, don’t be playing hide and seek with us, we can’t keep wondering if you’re available if no clear signs show that you’re together.
  5. Light Switch: This is the couple that fight, make-up, fight, and make-up again about 5 billion times. Just a word of caution, if you ever see them, avoid asking about their relationship simply to save yourself a sob story. Their entire relationship is Shakespeare’s To be or Not to Be. 
  6. Homies, Bros: I personally love this couple because they are not overly romantic but treat their relationship as more of an intimate friendship where they are there for each other, and offensive jokes remain to be comedic instead of leaving an awkward silence.

Besides my bitter nature at the moment, I just want to congratulate everyone that are in relationships, and my deepest sympathies to all those who are single just like yours truly. Being single isn’t so bad. No fuck it, it sucks.

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